As a child

Some Christian scripture asks that we approach Gd as a child. (Mark )

So often I have thought that this means that I need to be less jaded by the world, more trusting, more innocent  As if the worlds harshness curls us into a defensive ball by the time we reach our adulthood. And in many ways that is true. A slight glance can now tell me volumes about how loudly I am speaking or how under dressed I am for an occasion.

I remember going to a party when I was in high-school. I shopped for just the right outfit, wanting to look good, wanting to show off that I had lost weight (soon to be put back on). It was the first party with the cool in crowd - well the cool we are the student government people and the theatre people crowd. I had looked on from a far as I had made my way out of the smoking lounge crowd into the choir crowd and now finally had an invitation to be with the theater folks. I knew from the moment I arrived that I was over dressed. Everyone else in jeans and t-shirts. Laughing comfortable uninhibited, and there I was in kulates. (Kulates, really never a fashion trend setter except in the east village where worn with pink hair and pierced nipples they are elevated to the awkward coolness of being totally off center.) When we started to play charades everyone laughed as a card came up about a flood and someone said well at least we can all jump on Karen and she will save us from getting wet. Ah yes, by young adulthood we all know the realities of a look and have been whipped by our deepest fears of being rejected.

Now I have to say I do not care about kulates anymore - and frankly neither should you - but when approaching Gd that is still part of what is expected. Gd is best listened to through the lens of letting go of everything I have lived through to hear the world as innocent and new. To hear the possibility of that which has not yet been formed. To live within the un-ness of creating.

I have thought a lot about this form of interaction with Gd. (If you are friends with the lovely Pam she will tell you this means that I ruminate and talk and argue and read and listen and cry and finally, finally say well maybe...) I have spent hours meditating and praying to be open to the now of this moment. Sometimes it even works.... Still lately I have wondered if this was all that Gd meant.

Come into the presence of Gd as a child.

Children are not just innocent, children speak the truth.

Children speak because they are innocent and do not know about the consequences, still they speak the truth. What if in an allegorical reading of this passage Jesus is actually saying to these people he is walking with ask, even if you look foolish, even if I am angry or say no - ask how else will we ever know one another. How else will you ever know me... They did not ask after being chided and I wonder what he might have said if they had asked him about slavery, abuse, homosexuality, and women's rights. What would Jesus have said about those even deeper issues of justice. What would he have said had they asked about grace, salvation, service, and sacraments? Would he have said - forget about what is on the table it is the table itself that matters - find places you can be together those will always be a rare commodity. What if his disciples had had the courage to ask and look foolish. To speak as a child and say what they know as the truth in order to be taught and be transformed.

I suspect he might have had words that confounded me with their wisdom and spoke about how deeply the world challenges us to become more than we think we can be. I think he might have said love is love and love is always an answer to be reckoned with even if it creates havoc because sometimes people do horrible things out of love. I would have had to look at those words and tried to wrestle with them. It might have given me a starting point to talk to so many different people in my life estranged because of misunderstood words. Would words of deeper wisdom have given me the courage to reach out and be in community again instead of simply sitting and thinking about why neither of us was calling.

Come into the presence of Gd as a child.

If I take this into the knowledge that each of us holds the presence of Gd I stand in an even more awe-some place. I had a colleague once who said that while I could live in the world I created in my head just fine it might be nicer for the people around me to tell me who they are instead. Hmmm all this talking and asking questions and listening and actually being like a child, willing to hear what is said not what is convenient.

What would our world look like if I took this on as well. If the innocence of my being was strong enough to say what is real and true about myself and the world I love within. Not worrying about who or how but instead simply being a truth teller. - Truth in love - Truth in spite of my fear - Truth because really the only way to be vulnerable in this world is through truth. What if we both greeted each other with innocence and truth. Able to ask the hard questions even if we will look foolish and willing hear what is said not what we want to hear. In this way coming into the presence of Gd within you as a child, speaking in truth and hearing in love actually might allow me to be converted by you in our conversations. What a radical world that would be to live in. Perhaps this is the prophethood of all believers that our UU theologian spoke about.To speak what we believe is truth - even if it turns out to be wrong - so that others can help us to clarify what is real. because in this time of sound bites and obfuscation truth is held more firmly within the grasp of the many than of the few.